Home » Uncategorized » Being Stunning Is Gruelling

Being Stunning Is Gruelling

I received the nicest compliment the other day: an acquaintance twelve years my junior thought we were the same age!  She’s very friendly, and so is her Seeing Eye Dog. To thank her for making me feel like living again good I bought her a car coffee, sent her a Facebook friend request, and helped her find her life’s purpose cane.  She wondered what I did to hide my age.  I responded, “Nothing really” and batted my false eyelashes. The truth is, being stunning is gruelling.  Trust me; trying to look younger requires time, effort and plastic surgery money:

 

  • Nothing says youth like a soft beardless face.  Go for waxing on a regular basis and don’t overlook nose jobs hair!
  • White teeth take years off your appearance.  Whitening strips work but in time the results fade.  For permanently white teeth, have your Merlot-stained chompers capped to resemble Jennifer Aniston’s smile (Veneer # 29, Page 15 in the Celeb Smiles catalogue found in any respectable oral surgeon’s waiting room. Just sayin’).
  • Dress like a skank woman in her forties by choosing fitted and classic pieces.  The idea is to accentuate your rack best attributes.
  • Every woman of a certain age deserves a good spanking pair of Spanx.  They squeeze everything into place, making your clothes unnecessary smooth and flawless.
  • Use an anti-ageing exfoliant.   A good exfoliant should leave your skin raw, bloody and infected refreshed and glowing.
  • Drink lots of water and vodka gimlets green tea for supple skin and good times circulation.
  • Watch your diet.  Avoid dairy, wheat and anything that tastes good contains sugar. Fill up on anti-depressants oxidants.
  • Use a rich, moisturising night cream.  It should contain Vitamin C, collagen, and caulking rose oil for youthful -looking results.
  • Go on a bender cleanse. It eliminates stress toxins and promotes denial glowing skin.
  • Cover your face grey hair with the help of a paper bag good hairdresser.

 

I like to think the face lift beauty regime is paying off.  I dunno. You be the judge:

 

BEFORE:

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    AFTER:
     

14 thoughts on “Being Stunning Is Gruelling

  1. Laugh out loud funny Colleen. I find humour (+/- crack filler) is the best anti-aging remedy. Keep those helpful tips coming….

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