Home » Uncategorized » Happy Father’s Day! Karma’s A Bitch.

Happy Father’s Day! Karma’s A Bitch.

When our two boys were younger, Father’s Day was right up there with Diwali Christmas! It was marked with sparkle-laced homemade cards; thoughtful presents like duct tape; and feverishly-practiced live musical performances from Usher them to Dad. We sure brought out the big guns. Now that they are 17 and 18, they show their excitement for Father’s Day with a quiet kind of reverence, which is equally as touching:

 

  • To celebrate properly, they need to be well-rested. To that end, Father’s Day begins at 3 pm sharp when they come to. They take it slow and easy and say things like, “Chill” when I ask them to hurry the hell up and eat their seventh bowl of Froot Loops so we can have a family dinner before nightfall.

     

  • Gushiness is so yesterday. To protect themselves from feeling vulnerable and emotional, they pretend like it’s not even Father’s Day. Until I send them a text saying, “Wish your father a Happy Father’s Day you idiots.

     

  • They still love the element of surprise. It’s evident on their vacant faces when my husband opens the gifts from the boys that I purchased for them. They slide me their contribution under the table and say, “Thanks, Mom. You are literally the glue that holds this family together. This means I never have to put gas in the car again right? I’m friggin’ broke.”

     

  • They lie through their $6000 perfectly aligned teeth promise their dad they will mow the lawn and wash the car when hell freezes over.

     

  • When we sit down to supper, my husband is clearly the main attraction; our sons finally show their real feelings: “Dad, you are the wind beneath my wings. Is this all the steak there is?”

     

  • Besides pouring their hearts out to their father, supper is also an opportunity to savor and reflect. We do this by watching our boys bury their heads in their plates and make loud farm animal noises while they chew. It’s pretty horrifying beautiful and awesome.

     

  • Photo-ops capture these poignant moments. Back when they were little, the boys used to hug my husband and sing, “Cheeeeese!!” when I took the Father’s Day photo. Now they cradle their iPhones and bark,” Pleeeaase do NOT put this on Facebook, Mom. That’s so lame. Gawd.”

     

  • Funny banter keeps us tight too. Wait. Never mind. That’s the family across the street.

     

  • To end the non-verbal celebration, we retire to the family room to play a game and by that I mean zone out on our personal devices, careful not to make eye contact. If Norman Rockwell were alive, he’d be all over it with his easel.

 

So yea, I guess you could say things have changed but not that much. It’s true there are no more sparkles or cards or thoughtful presents or eye contact or music or affection of any kind but it’s still really meaningful and stuff. I’d like to think when they are fathers themselves one day, the boys will look back on these celebrations and think, “What is Diwali anyway?? Karma’s a bitch.”

8 thoughts on “Happy Father’s Day! Karma’s A Bitch.

  1. omg you are a riot!!!

    Keep em coming xoxo

    Cindy Hornibrook-Doucet Math Teacher BHS ________________________________

  2. Love it as always….Briah alerted me to this….she enjoys your wit and humour as well……another great job….thanks for the laughs and yes the best karma will be when they are father’s…they will probably drop the kids off at your house and go away for the weekend…..:)

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